What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
