talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sex in a hospital.. check
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
