I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
