Do you still have your period?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
