So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
