32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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