Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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