I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
