If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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