she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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