hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize