oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
