Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
