I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
