worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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