she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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