You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Michael Bay diarrhea
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
