look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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