I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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