Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
