Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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