So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
