I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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