Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
