ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
