he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this hospital has no fireball
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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