I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
