He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
