Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize
