I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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