I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
