Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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