he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
