Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
