I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
