woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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