Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
