That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
