i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
