How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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