and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
