My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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