the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
