Porn is love you can see.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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