I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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