Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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