I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
