thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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