I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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