well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
