I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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