WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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