Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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