I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
