Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
