I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
