I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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