i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This house was built for laser tag.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
