there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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