On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.