Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush