I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.