I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
