i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
